No I am not talking about bed bugs. I want to explain why I have been absent from my blog and YouTube channel these past weeks. I could write an essay about it but to sum it up I have not been feeling well since I came home from Florida.
AND HERE IS THE ESSAY: I had a wonderful time in America and when I came home I was happy to find that it had been snowing and we could go on our first ride with the snowmobiles. The nature has been fantastic and beautiful and everything should be alright but it simply is not.
At first I thought it was the Jetlag and lack of sleep that made me feel low. But after a while I could not blame the Jetlag any longer, I’m not tired I’m sad. Or maybe sad is not the best word to explain it I would rather say that I feel some kind of emptiness within.
I wrote about this one week ago on my Swedish blog and it still feels exactly the same. Daniel (Flying Dryden) says it could be something that he referred to as “resekrypet”, the travel bug. Apparently it s not very unusual to get a mood dip after having a really nice vacation.
I have tried to snap out of it by doing things that I like such as going out with the snowmobile to take images and video filming for future blog-posts. But when it has come down to it I have not uploaded anything. It really breaks my heart because if you have been following me for a while you must know that I have worked very hard with my blog and through all these years I never gave up. Not even when things have been really though such as that year when my grandparents and my friend passed away.
I have so much I want to show you. I have lots of beautiful videos from both Sweden and Florida. I have bought candy in the US that I want to try in a video and I have a lot of funny stories to tell. Why can’t I get anything done?
This Friday I was on a Christmas party with work and left shortly after dinner. I said it was because I was not pleased with the musical show which was partly true because it was not in my taste… But mostly I felt like even though I was among nice friends such as my lovely Bettan I could not keep up appearance any longer. I wanted to go home.
On top of all this I have felt that lately companies have contacted me in an urge to use me and my blog for their own winning. I get suggestions of work for little or no payments at all or perhaps they want to pay but they want me to lie and fool you. They basically want to piggyback on my blog and on YOU who reeds it and follow me. I do enjoy working with companies if it is done in a fair and transparent way but I would NEVER sell my opinion for money or write about something that I don’t genuinely like.
I know all bloggers get this shit and it is nothing new, but for some reason I have started to take it personal and let it nag on my confidence. Why do they think I’m this stupid? Why do they think I should work for free? Why is the only one who wants to pay me asking me to write about online casinos. Again and again and again. Why do I have to think that everything has to do with me?
I’m sorry for not writing anything funny and feel-good-ish but I hope that if you feel the same you can at least get some kind of comfort in that you are not alone. Now that I have opened up my heart it will be a lot easier writing blog post and recording videos because if I do it while pretending to be all happy-clappy I feel fake. /Anna Munkhammar